My Eating Problems & Advice ♡

Hi everyone and welcome back!

This month's post is a little different to my usual recommendations because I've seen a lot of people having trouble with eating and their relationship with food. So, I want to tell you guys my story and give a bit of advice on how to have a good relationship with eating and food.

(Disclaimer: I was never diagnosed or treated for an ED [eating disorder] so I can't give you any professional advice, only advice from my own experience.)

(Disclaimer 2.0: I also have a high metabolism so my body has always been able to burn off food fast, I like to snack often and eat small meals, however, this doesn't work for everyone. You need to figure out what's right for you.)

(Disclaimer 2.1: I'm 5ft 1 (154cm) so I'm very petite. I also have dietary requirements which I'll explain below.)

Firstly, let's have a brief introduction. I've always been skinny, since I can remember I've been more skin and bone than anything else. I have zero fat on my body. Including my boobs (what boobs?!). My relationship with food was very neutral when I was little. I was picky and mainly ate home food and packed lunches. If I went out to a restaurant I'd only eat the kids menu up until I was about 13. My family never had a problem with that, we joked that I had a small appetite but could drink anyone under the table (with juice obvs, I was under 18!).

Age 16. Weighing 6.2 st (39kg)

Let's fast forward a few years. So I was 16 and at secondary (high) school. I was self conscious as my friends and I were getting more into fashion and caring about what we looked like. Some of my friends had boyfriends and we're beginning to work out at the gym and eat less sweets, chocolate, artificial sugars and much less  of the general crap you eat as a teen.

Me on the left aged 17.
I weighed 6.5 st (41kg)

Around this time I found out that I was gluten intolerant and so my diet began to change drastically. My school didn't really cater for allergies and neither did restaurants. Super markets had very basic gluten free options and I found myself being less interested in food. A few of the girls at school bullied each other about their weight. A girl became anorexic. I started to worry that I was fat. (I was not.) I began to stop eating. I used to stick post it notes in my school work and on my desk in class telling me not to eat. I went from 7.5 st (48kg) to 6.1 st (39kg) in the space of a year.

In the next few months, I became completely obsessed with my weight. I kept thinking I was too fat. I craved the attention of people saying I was too skinny. I loved being able to see my collar bones, having a gap between my thighs. I liked being able to see my ribs. The need to be thinner and thinner was ruining my life but I couldn't see it. My friends would comment on that fact that I used to skip meals or eat just salads. I became uncomfortable eating around people because of it and tended to skip even more meals at lunch, saying I felt sick or tired.

I also got very involved with Tumblr, the obsession with bones and being skinny. The dark side of the Internet as it were. I used to chat to girls and guys online and we'd encourage each other not to eat. We were called "Ana Buddies".

Age 18. Weighing 6.6st (42kg)

Although I wasn't concerned at the time, I found myself tired, drained of energy and sleepy. I got mood swings, my skin was lanky and my hair was greasy. My body hated what I was doing to it and I couldn't stop.

Around the age of 17, I had some unrelated health issues. I lost more weight and began to get depressed. I used to binge and then starve, a technique that is often used when people are depressed. I began to cry a lot.

After I turned 18, I began to get healthier and more mentally stable, however I still struggled with food. Since I'd been obsessed with my weight for two years, it was really hard to break the habit. Whenever I ate something carby or fatty or a treat, I'd feel guilty, like I didn't deserve to eat it. It got better as I spent less time thinking about food and more time I spent finding new hobbies.

Age 19. Weighing 7 st (44kg)

I relapsed a year later when I got a job that provided me with little to no food breaks. I'd just starve myself for the day and binge in the evening. As I was home more, my family made sure I had a good meal at least once a day but I found myself buying smaller dress sizes. For the first time since I'd started to become obsessed, I was disappointed with myself. I wanted to be healthy and not keep buying smaller clothes.

From then to now, I've been eating much better. I still have bad days or bad weeks but as I live on my own, I find there's no one to tell me I look too skinny. I find myself wanting to be a healthy weight rather than just skinny. However, I'm not "cured". I still have that little voice at the back of my min that tells me I'm too fat. Now it's easier to shut it out more often.


So now you've read the story, I'm going to tell you some advice I picked up along the way.

Age 20. Weighing 7.5st (48kg)

1. Find a different obsession. Some people count calories, some starve. Some binge, some puke. Find something else to become obsessed with. Usually people who struggle with eating problems lack control in other aspects of their lives. Find that control. Whether you become obsessed with painting or reading or the gym, it doesn't matter, just find something unrelated to food to get into and fill up your time.

2. Listen to your body. If your tummy is grumbling then eat something. If you're feeling bloated then have a lie down. Don't punish your body for its natural functions.

3. Drink water. I cannot emphasise this enough, not only will you feel more full (rather than snacking all the time) but the average person won't drink enough water per day and you need to stay hydrated. You'll feel much healthier and it will benefit your body and skin too!

4. Let yourself have a treat. Whether it be a chocolate bar or a scoop of ice cream, let yourself have a small treat because you deserve it. BUT, don't binge it. I've found that having no control and binging a whole tub of ice cream doesn't benefit you in any way and it tricks you into thinking you're not allowed treats. Small rewards ever so often makes you feel good.

5. Don't let people tell you how to eat. YOU know what YOU need to eat to live healthily and happily. Don't let someone tell you that you should eat more carbs or less veggies. It's your body and your life. Live it the way you want to.

Age 21. Weighing 7.5 st (48kg) and feeling
healthy.

6. Find someone who eats healthily and ask for advice. Having friends or acquaintances who eat properly makes the world of difference. They can introduce you to new recipes, help you snack healthily and just encourage you to eat better.

7. Avoid "feeders". Feeders are people who feel guilty for eating something so they'll encourage you to eat it and then feel almost happy that you ate something that's considered unhealthy to them. AVOID these people at all costs. They mess with your mind set and make you feel worse about yourself. Just don't be around these people.

8. Find a goal. If you can set yourself a goal weight or a goal "look" then do it. Be realistic with yourself. Then stick to a routine everyday, if you had the motivation to lose the weight then you can put it back on.

9. Set an eating schedule. You may not be able to stick to it all the time but it will help you. Set times for when you should to eat, there are apps which can help you set timers on your phone so you remember to eat. Soon you'll fall into a routine and just eat naturally but it's definitely worth finding a planner to help you with the first few months.

10. Please seek help. Whether its from a friend, a family member or someone anonymous, if you feel like you can't do this on your own then ask for help. There is no shame in seeking advice or help and anyone who makes you feel guilty for asking for help isn't worth it. DROP THEM.

Me last summer. Age 20 and loving my body.
Weighing 7.5 st (48kg) and feeling gorgeous.

I'm pretty happy with the way I look, I still have bad times but the good definitely outweigh the bad. I'm happy to stand in a swimming costume and feel cute.

I hope this blog post helped you or even if not you then someone you know. Don't forget to look out for yourself and others!

Stay beautiful my loves!!

Beffy xo ♡